Tommy's Tomblr

I just got super depressed.

This happened to me too when I came home after visiting friends in Minnesota at their school. 

I just saw Spring Awakening at the college in my town, and it was fantastic - absolutely fantastic.  And as I waited outside of the theatre to congratulate the ONE person I sort of knew who was in it (she took class at the circus school I teach at, and I have subbed for her class a couple of time) I saw all the cast talking to their friends who had come to see the show.

And I realized - 

I am 21.  I am a college drop out.  I don’t socialize.  I don’t know how to socialize.  I live in a town with a huge college in it with people my age, doing things I like to do (performing.)  Why can’t I befriend them?  Why is it that when I DO sub that class, I don’t talk to any of them afterwards?  Why don’t I try to make friends with them?  I’m afraid to, definitely - I’m afraid they won’t want to be friends with me.  I don’t know anyone for us to go to parties with, I don’t even know who throws parties!  

Outside of a few friends who are still here from high school, I do not have friends my age.

That’s part 1.

Feel free to stop reading if you want to.

Part 2.

I’m also afraid that if I do go to Vermont for a year, I will miss out on SO MANY performance opportunities here.  I’m afraid of missing those shows, those moments to perform.  I know that training would make me perform BETTER.  I hope it would, in the long run, give me even MORE performance opportunities.  But I look at Spring Awakening, and I think about how they are performing, they are performing with people their age.  And they’re doing it now.

That’s all I want.

Why can’t I have it?

Can anyone give me any advice on anything?